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How To Talk About Faith (with people of other faiths)
By Josh Bishop
Several years ago, on a cool autumn evening in Michigan, my friend Meghann Oliver broke the news that she had decided to join the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints – she was becoming a Mormon. I don’t remember exactly what was said between us, but I do know this: she ran to her car in tears and I was left standing in the driveway, wondering if I had just lost one of my dearest friends. I became convinced that there must be a better way to talk about faith, but I wasn’t sure how.
The truth is, unless you sequester yourself in your bedroom, encountering people who practice different religions is no longer escapable; as American religions become increasingly pluralistic, people are beginning to find that many of their neighbors, co-workers, classmates, and community leaders follow an entirely different tradition of faith than their own. There’s a church on one corner and a mosque on the other, and if you wander down the street a little, you’re likely to pass a synagogue or a temple.
So how can we talk about faith with people of other faiths? I set out to speak with leaders in each of the world’s three monotheistic faiths, searching for the answer.
“When you approach people of other religions, first remember that they’re people,” advises Father Michael O’Loughlin, a Byzantine Catholic priest at Denver’s Holy Protection of the Mother of God parish. They have dignity as a member of the human race, and O’Loughlin finds importance in that. “They are a person before they are a person of faith.”
After that, it’s important to ask what the goal is. What’s trying to be accomplished? A key word for Rabbi Daniel Alter, head of the Denver Academy of Torah and former spiritual leader of East Denver Orthodox Synagogue, is friendship. “Form a relationship,” he suggests, “and then talking about certain things gets easier.” O’Loughlin agrees that’s it’s best to start with friendship—then if you do have an argument (or when you do) “it’s between friends; therefore it’s going to stay civil.”
“You’re looking also for common ground,” adds Shaikh Ammar Amonette, Imam of the Colorado Muslim Society (Masjid Abu Bakr). “Usually it surprises people because they don’t know how much they have in common.” Every faith has something in common with every other faith, whether, like Jews, Christians, and Muslims, you actually share a God, or, like Buddhists and Taoists, you strive for harmony and desirelessness. “Of course, you’re not trying to create a common religion,” Amonette says, but it’s through the similarities shared by people of every faith that we can begin to understand each other, and join together to make a positive difference in the world. “You find the common ground first, and then you move on to where things are different,” O’Loughlin says.
Because as much as we might share with other faiths, the truth is that there are deep, profound, often irreconcilable differences, and these differences shouldn’t be deemphasized. “You have to say, no, these are differences of our two faiths,” O’Loughlin says. “We need to acknowledge this because if we don’t acknowledge that we’re different in these certain ways then we’re never going to be able to work those differences out.”
According to Alter, we need to be aware of these differences because we need to have a clear sense of what’s doable. “I can’t pray with Catholics or Muslims,” he says, “and that’s okay. Jews pray in a Jewish way, Christians pray in a Christian way, Muslims pray in a Muslim way.” There are some holidays and traditions, though, that can be mutually celebrated by people of different faiths, and O’Loughlin thinks that should be done as often as possible. “If we could do that for every religion, if we could celebrate with them and alongside them and start these things we can do together,” then we probably should. “You want to get as close to that point as you can,” he says.
Amonette warns that the condemnation that comes with some religious perceptions of the afterlife—reward and punishment through heaven and hell, karma, or samsaric reincarnation—should stay out of interfaith relationships. Few things can ruin a friendship more quickly than the belief that one or both parties involved will endure endless suffering after death. “It’s a skewed understanding,” Amonette says. “The fact is that concepts like heaven and hell, reward and punishment, are incentives to us. People find it much easier, rather than reflecting on their own deeds, to over-concern themselves with other people.” So limit the heaven-and-hell speculations to self-reflection and introspection; they’re not weapons to be tossed around.
Also, be aware of the language that you use, since those outside your religion may not be familiar with some of your concepts. “When we practice a religion we get used to a religious vocabulary, we get used to using those terms,” Alter warns. “I have a Muslim friend who gave me a copy of the Qur’an, and when I read it I had to go ask him what it means—I didn’t understand it.” If you’re not careful, this kind of misunderstanding can cause serious misconceptions about another’s faith. If you’re unsure what someone means by terms like permissive decree or expedient means, don’t be afraid to ask.
Perhaps the best way to understand another faith is to experience it for yourself as best as you can, either through viewing or attending traditional religious practices, visiting places of worship and reflection, or reading sacred texts. The Colorado Muslim Society provides tours of the mosque. “We let them see what Muslims do, what we believe, first hand, and I think that’s always a valuable experience,” Amonette says. Most religions are open in sharing their practices with others, and, while it can be pretty uncomfortable celebrating Mass from the back or trying to follow a Torah reading, it’s an invaluable learning experience.
Of course, copies of most sacred texts can be found at religious bookstores or, quite often, at larger general bookstores. Be sure you choose an accurate translation, and it never hurts to find a volume that includes helpful commentary by religious scholars and experts.
Both Alter and Amonette have attended small groups of Jews and Muslims who meet regularly to discuss matters of faith, and there are a number of groups like this available for people of most religions. If you’re unsure where to find a group, ask your religious leader or look for postings and announcements online and in your local newspaper.
Perhaps most importantly, you should never feel threatened by someone else’s faith, or by revelations of truth and sparks of familiarity that you might find there. “The more I learn about their religion, the more it helps me in my own,” Amonette says. “It’s not a threat to me to learn about your religion, or your faith, or your opinions. I guess what I’m saying is if you wanted to get a good picture of this building you’d have to step outside and look at it from the outside a little bit. As long as I’m sitting in here I can’t really get that image.”
And when you encounter truth in other religions, it shouldn’t surprise you. “There’s truth in Buddhism or Hinduism or Christianity or Judaism,” admitted Amonette. “But that’s not taking away from the truth of Islam.” Remember: truth in another religion never detracts from the truth you find in your own.
“If you only reach out to people you already agree with it doesn’t do anything,” warns Amonette, “so you meet with people who you have some disagreements with, and you find out they’re not the devil incarnate. That’s what you find out.”
© 2006 Josh Bishop
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